When I was 20, my depression took the best of me and I was in a really dark place. I spent a lot of time on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out.
I felt as though my life had no meaning or purpose and I didn’t see the point in living with that kind of existence. All I felt was a deep pain, sorrow and a huge hole that nothing could close.
At one point, I really considered ending my life. That was my rock bottom. I felt like I was drowning; like I was at the bottom of the ocean with nothing but darkness around me.
When there is no way but up
But there is one beautiful thing about hitting rock bottom – there is no way but up after that. In one moment, I decided that this was not how my story was going to end.
Little by little, step by step, I started to change my life and let go of my past. I started swimming towards the surface and, at some point, I could see the light coming through the water. After a while, I reached the surface and took my first breath again. I saw a hand reaching out toward me and pulling me out of the water.
And then I realized it was me. I was the one that pulled me out. It was me all along. I had that strength in me even in my darkest times, I just wasn’t aware of it.
I have not only survived my darkest times, but I came out stronger because of it.
Beauty, magic, and miracles
I always say that my life started when I was 22. That was the time when I felt like I was starting to breathe again. I didn’t become a new person then. I just became myself, I found myself again.
That was the year when I started to be my best self and live mindfully and authentically. I started filling that huge hole with self-love, compassion, and kindness. From that moment on, my life was getting better and better.
This was a process, of course, filled with a lot of little steps, a process that I am still going through, a process that will never end. It is the process of growth, development, and learning.
Looking back on that time from this perspective, I feel nothing but gratitude and awe. What if I had decided differently? What if I had decided to end my life back then? What if I had just given up? What if I had missed my appointment with life?
I would have missed on so much beauty, magic, and miracles in my life. I would have missed witnessing my life turning from pain and suffering to joy and peace, and missed learning a lot in the process. I would have missed all of the precious people along the way that have enriched my life in one way or the other. And I would have missed sharing my experiences with others and helping them improve their lives. To say “That would be a shame” would really be an understatement.
The change can’t come from the outside
But the sad thing is that you can stop living even if you don’t literally end your life. People do it all the time. They merely exist. They lead a life without much substance and fulfillment.
“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.”
~ Eckhart Tolle
They are waiting for something, or someone, to come and change things in their life. They are waiting for their lives to start. They are waiting for something better, something different. Or for the stars to align, for someone to give them a push, for divine intervention.
And although the stars may align, or someone comes into their life to help them, or divine intervenes, they will still find some excuse, some reason or some justification to stay in place.
Because the change can’t come from the outside and it can’t be forced on you. It can only come from the inside, from your own being, and from your own decision.
You are the one responsible for your life, fulfillment, and happiness
I hate to break it to you, but this is it. This life you are living, or not living, is your big performance. There are no dress rehearsals. You are the director, writer and the main lead in this play. It’s up to you to rewrite it if you’re not satisfied with your role.
For anything to change, one thing must happen first – you must take responsibility for your own life. You must take back your power and act in alignment with your set intentions.
You are the one responsible for your life, fulfillment, and happiness.
You can’t forcefully change your situation, people around you or your circumstances. Not for the long run. The only lasting change comes from changing your awareness and your inner state.
When you consciously start working on dissolving, clearing, and releasing your limiting beliefs and perspectives, your whole life will shift and your inner and outer world will change accordingly. You will open the space inside of you that will allow you to choose a different kind of thoughts and actions, a different kind of life.
The only time we have is now
There are many tools that can help you get there. I tried dozens of them. But the only one that stayed with me this whole time is mindfulness. At first, it was just a tool, but with time mindfulness started to become a way of life.
The only time we have is now and only by being present, we are able to choose differently.
The only time we have is now.
Life happens in the now and only there we can experience anything, achieve anything, feel anything. Only in the now the inspiration can come and the change can happen.
Trust life, trust your inspiration and act upon it with faith.
Sometimes, we feel that we aren’t ready for something that life presents in front of us. Our ego and fear can be very compelling and doubt will do its best to convince us that we aren’t good enough. But feel the fear and do it anyway. Because, like Robert Kiyosaki said, “If you are the kind of person who is waiting for the ‘right’ thing to happen, you might wait for a long time. It’s like waiting for all the traffic lights to be green for five miles before starting the trip.”
Remember, all the magic happens outside of your comfort zone.
Uncover the real you
When you set that intention to change yourself, you are not trying to become someone that you’re not already. You are just uncovering the real you that is underneath of all the clutter that you’ve collected throughout your life. You are just uncluttering all of the mess that is covering your true self, your best self, your authenticity.
So, let your true self, your best self, your authentic self unveil. And don’t miss your appointment with life.
Until next time,